The chosen diet definitely comes under the heading of “fad”, and is not something I’m intending to do for (much) more than a week. It’s called the “five bites” diet, and I reckon if you were forced to have a guess, you’d get pretty close to what it entails.
Essentially the rules are drink as much water, or sugar-free drinks as you want; you can’t have any breakfast, but whilst you can eat any food (especially protein) you want for dinner and tea, you can only have five bites per meal. Obviously, this is a major blow to someone with such a seemingly delicately-sized mouth, but in just three days, I’ve learned just how much I can actually shovel in – and it’s significantly more than I thought!
We’ll see how things look on Monday before deciding how to maintain the weight loss and work more steadily towards my target weight of 14st 7lbs. When I reach my goal, not only will I feel a bit healthier, but I will also be ready to attempt yet another challenge; that of appearing topless on my friend Louise Gallagher’s Facebook page.
There seem to be plenty of photos floating around of toned, bronzed, fit young men... Well let’s see how many “likes” the absolute opposite can get!
It’s interesting to note (actually it’s not, but bear with me) that today’s weighty blog coincides with the anniversary of an attempt to overthrow the Byzantine Emperor Alexios III Angelos in Constantinople in 1201 – give or take a year.
The man who attempted the coup was John Komnenos, who was rather cruelly nicknamed “the Fat”. John and his conspirators took control of the Hagia Sophia Church, in which John was “crowned”, before taking partial control of the Great Palace. As his supporters looted the palace, John took his place on the imperial throne... which promptly collapsed under his weight!
Not such a cruel nickname then...
Meanwhile, Alexios was actually reasonably safe in another palace in another part of the city. As darkness fell, his troops took advantage of the fact that most of the conspirators had retired for the night; they sailed round the peninsular, entered the Great Palace and quickly apprehended John the Fat.
Within minutes, he was John the Dead, as loyal guards cut off his head, before putting it on display the following morning.
Now Richard the Portly readily accepts that the five bites diet is not the most sensible method of rapid weight loss ever invented, but surely it’s preferable to John’s slightly more extreme – albeit permanent - way of losing a few pounds...