Three and a bit months ago, I wrote on here about the struggle I’ve had with depression... committing what are essentially very private thoughts to paper, then uploading them into a very public domain was a difficult decision and one I didn’t take lightly...
But one I have to say that I don’t regret...
Quite some time has passed and there’s no doubt I’ve made definite progress. Maybe it should go without saying (but I’m going to say it anyway), but the love and support from those closest to me has – and will – make the biggest difference. In addition though, dragging my portly frame round a gym two or three times a week has certainly had a positive impact... the mechanisms inside the cross trainer, bike and rowing machine may not clank and groan as much as my joints do, but feeling fitter and stronger (despite outward appearances) can only improve my mood and general well-being.
Work is understatedly busy as usual, but I’m still getting time to continue my book about the Coronation Street barmaids... I think I can say without fear of contradiction that it will be the best book I have ever written... about Coronation Street barmaids...
With all that said however, the fact remains that there are still bad days, lows, whatever you want to call them. Unexplainable moments when, despite knowing there are people who care... people who love me... I still get an overwhelming feeling of sadness... even loneliness. It’s hard to talk about... and only marginally easier to try and type the right words, but the biggest change that has happened since the turn of the year is the fact that I’m strong enough to accept that when my mood dips, I’m not going to sink...
Cue more aquatic metaphors..
There have been so many times in the past when the sensation of mental pressure would result in irrational and let’s just say “negative” thoughts, but just as the tide rolls in... it will surely roll back out again and I realise now that the emotional waves – unpleasant as they are – will pass (and pass pretty quickly too...).
Oceanic theme officially over...
I’m not posting this for any kind of sympathetic response; to be honest, I’m not sure I’m writing this to try and prove to others that things can and do get better either... This is just a personal offload that might elicit a comment or two... it might not... but with my wife, family and close friends around me, the end of that tunnel seems much closer now... and I just want to say thank you xx
All my own work... almost.