There is a selfish element to being so open in a public forum, although I wasn’t (and am not) looking for any sympathy. Writing was my release from the occasionally vice-like grip of an illness that I didn’t ask for, don’t want, but however hard I try can’t always hide from those who care.
The response was overwhelming – knowing you’re not alone is not necessarily a comfort because that means others are suffering too, but it does bring a kind of reassurance that doesn’t totally remove the black clouds, but lightens their shade just a fraction.
For the record, I’m coping reasonably well and have been for a few months. I still get anxious (very easily if the truth be told), mostly about money and security, but given there’s a major work restructure drawing ever closer, I defy anyone with a anxious tendencies not to pick up their half-full glass, tip it over, empty it and have a bloody good worry. On the better days, I’m consoled by the fact that I’m good at what I do (or at least that’s what I’m told), but my mind still finds it easy to run away with any scenario that has a bad ending.
Away from the workplace, I have carried on my writing and self-published more books: a 1994/95 diary of Gateshead FC, a book about the Coronation Street barmaids and a biography of Marie Prevost. There was also a lot of interest (relatively speaking) in my Marilyn Monroe bio, which somehow found its way into the hands of various authors, experts, fans, impersonators etc, many of whom had kind words to say about the book. I was way out of my depth here, because Michelle, Marijane, Marisa, Maureen, Jackie and Hanna et al have probably forgotten more that I will ever know about Marilyn, but their reviews and comments about the content, but also my writing style were a huge boost.
The revised edition of Desperately Seeking Susan Foreman was also published in 2011 and I’m still digesting the fact that the updated version is to be published by BearManor Media. I can’t fully describe how it feels to know that someone considers your work worthy of publication, but I’ll start with “thrilled” and “excited”. The only downside is they’re not keen on the use of parentheses or the three-dot ellipsis (bugger...).
On the home front, Elaine and I are closing in on our fifth anniversary – which I believe is signified by “wood” (I was hoping for wine... maybe it counts if it comes in a wooden case?). I don’t need a blog to tell her how much she means to me, but... I love you darling xx
We are starting a new diet on Monday... and added to my 2-3 weekly trips to the gym, I’m naively expecting to have the body of a God by the time the summer finally gets here. One of my New Year’s Resolutions was to reveal (via the gift of photography) my torso on my 49th birthday. The date you need to put in your diary is 2nd June... my birthday is actually on the 3rd, but you might want to unfriend me in advance!
Anyway, that’s the second anniversary blog done and dusted. As always, any/all comments welcome and thanks again for taking the time to read the stuff what I wrote x