I met Elaine from work last night... she had been working in Stokesley, it was about twenty past eight, so we decided we'd go and grab a quick pizza at a local restaurant. We
sat down and ordered a couple of drinks before the waiter came over to light the fairly unromantic candle situated in the middle of the table. Sadly, as he leant over, he nudged my diet coke (actually it wasn't diet, but it just sounds better...) and in attempting to grab the falling glass, knocked it flying, shattering it in the process.
I wasn't exactly drenched... "damp" might be a more appropriate word, but Luigi checked his hand and said "it'sa okay, my handa isn'ta cut..." (stereotypical Italian name used purely for effect... he was probably called Dave...). Well you can imagine how relieved I was that he wasn't going to bleed to death...
The manager came over: "I see you'ra having a smashinga time..." - comedy genius... We were ushered to a new table and we ordered our pizzas. For the record, Elaine had vegetarian and I had pepperoni... or "pep-perrrrr-onnn-i" (roll that "r" Luigi...). I really wanted to order the "Homer" pizza... the one with extra thick d'oh...
No? Oh well... back to the story.
"Would you lika cheeps witha those?" asked the waiter.
"No thanks, but you'll probably bring some anyway..."
"Whya you saya that..?"
"Well I didn't order any shards of f***ing glass, but I still bloody got them..."
Anyway, the pizzas were really nice... so the story has a sort of happy ending. Certainly much happier than that suffered by the recently crowned pizza eating champion, who was rushed straight to hospital last night after flying home from the competition. After lengthy tests, doctors have diagnosed a deep pan thrombosis...
I am, as you may aleady have guessed, here all week...
All my own work... almost.